Grief Programs

Adult Grief and Loss
Empty Cradle
Children's Grief
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Contact us 641.620.5050 for more information.

Adult Grief and Loss

How Hospice Can Help

  • Letters will be sent to you offering helpful suggestions for walking through grief and announcements of upcoming programs.
  • Visits from a trained volunteer are offered to each surviving spouse after a death in the Pella area. Volunteers meet with you to listen and allow you to share your feelings and challenges.
  • Grief Support Groups are offered throughout the year.

Understanding grief

Normal Reactions. . .

There are no simple answers to the pain involved with grief; however, information and a listening ear can be powerful tools in coping with loss. You may be experiencing many reactions to the death of your loved one. . .do not be alarmed. They are all natural and normal grief responses.

Emotional Reactions. . .

You may feel any of the following: crying, anger, sadness, guilt, loneliness, helplessness, acute suffering, withdrawal, emptiness, hopelessness, despair, panic, separation anxiety, feelings of being overwhelmed, bitterness, self-pity, resentment, and abandonment.

Physical Reactions. . .

Your body may react to grief with numbness, tightness in the throat, difficulty in breathing, pain or tightness in the chest, nausea, exhaustion, fatigue, digestive problems, sleep disturbance, blood pressure change, blurred vision, headaches, weight loss/gain, decreased resistance to illness, glandular disturbances, lack of muscular strength, a feeling of emptiness, diarrhea/constipation, loss of interest in sex, dizziness or taking on the physical symptoms of the deceased.

Mental Reactions. . .

As your mind attempts to take in your loss, you may experience confusion, decreased self-esteem, lack of concentration, denial, a sense of unreality, detachment, loss of control, insecurity, disorganized thinking, "if onlys" and regrets, hostility, unfairness of the situation, searching for the deceased, thinking you are going insane, thinking constantly of your loved one, thoughts of dying or dreams of the deceased.

Spiritual Reactions. . .

In your need to find a meaning related to your loss you may feel anger at God and need to question "Why did this happen?" You may question, temporarily abandon or change your belief system, or you may become more religious than in the past or search for answers to the meaning of death/life.

Positive Reaction. . .

As painful as your loss is, there are some things that will lead you in the direction of being able to appreciate again what life has to offer.

  • Focus on the people who love you and need your love.
  • It's okay to put yourself first. Do not try to please everyone.
  • Notice the good and peaceful moments that you have.
  • Bring a little comfort or joy to someone else's life.
  • Remember your loved one in your own special ways.
  • Set a goal that is new and interests you.
  • Live each day with the awareness of all that your loved one and others have given to you to enrich your life.

Reading Suggestions

The library, located in the Comfort House, is well stocked with books and videos to help in your personal recovery. Check our resources, including special needs such as the young widow, children's reactions to death, a father's grief, surviving suicide, death of an adult child, etc. Here are just a few...

Don't Take My Grief Away - Doug Manning -- A basic grief book for all. Highly recommended.

Starting Over - Adele Rice Nudel -- A book for the younger surviving spouse who wants to or has to close a chapter and begin a new one.

Men and Grief - Carol Staudacher -- Few books are written toward men's grief. This one offers courage to men with the hope they will fully process the grief that leads to healing.

Widowed - Dr. Joyce Brothers -- "I can not promise a widow what I have to say in this book will blunt the raw sense of loss or banish her loneliness. What I can do is chart the course for the pain."

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Empty Cradle

What is Empty Cradle?

Empty cradle is a program sponsored by Hospice of Pella to provide support and care for the family who has experienced the death of a baby due to a miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or early infant death.

Goals

  • To provide education materials and emotional support to parents and their families who are grieving the death of a baby.
  • To educate the general public and the medical profession in these areas.

Services Provided

  • Emotional support by offering a telephone call or personal visits from our Empty Cradle Coordinator.
  • Provide the family with a "Miscarriage or Early Infant Death Keepsake Box" which contains educational materials and special mementos to create a tangible memory of the baby who has died.
  • Resource library with materials about handling grief, helping siblings, funeral arrangements, etc.
  • Quarterly newsletters for grieving families.
  • A support group which gives educational materials as well as support for anyone who has had a miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth or SIDS.

Suggestions for Friends & Relatives

Acknowledge the death of the baby.

  • Get in touch by a visit, sending a personal note, or placing a call to express your concern and validate their loss.
  • Send flowers or other mementos.

Listen.

  • When suffering spills over into words, you can do the one thing they really need. You can listen.
  • Let them tell and retell their story.
  • Accept and share tears.

Attend to practical matters.

  • Bring a meal.
  • Care for other children.
  • Offer to do housework.

Become better informed.

  • The Hospice office has many library resources to help you understand this type of loss.
  • Recommend reading: "Free to Grieve" by Maureen Rank.

Remember the family during difficult days.

  • Baby's due date
  • Anniversary date of baby's death
  • Baby's birthdate
  • Mother's Day and Father's Day

Continue your support.

  • Be available weeks and months later when others have forgotten. Grief takes a long time.

Choose your words wisely.

Helpful comments:

  • Say you're sorry about their loss and acknowledge that this must be a difficult time for them.
  • Ask how they are getting along.
  • Offer specific help.
  • Let them know you are available for them as listener and friend.

Avoid Saying:

  • "It's all for the best. There was probably something 'wrong' with the baby, so it's really a 'blessing'." Loss is loss, no matter what the age. There is never a good reason to lose a baby.
  • "How far along were you?" There is never an ideal time to lose a baby. However far along the pregnancy may be, the anticipation of that baby is very real.
  • "At least you have other children" or "You can get pregnant again." That may be true, but it does not diminish the desire to have the baby who died.
  • "I know someone else who had a worse experience than you." That may be true, but it minimizes the feelings of the parents whose baby has died by being compared to someone else.
  • "I know how you feel." You do not know exactly how the parents feel. Let them explain how they are feeling.

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Children's Grief

A support service for any child who has experienced the death of someone special.

Contact us at 641.620.5050 for more information.

Children grieve, too!

In the midst of our own adult grief, we often try to protect our children from the reality of death and the feelings of grief. Many adults do not know how to talk to their children about death and loss. As much as we may try to shelter our children from the pain, they do experience the emotions of loss and often do not know how to express their grief. Most certainly children grieve, however, they grieve in a much different way than adults.

The goal of children's grief services is to help children express their feelings and to educate them about death and loss in ways appropriate to their age. The Children's Care Coordinator is trained in children's grief and can help you wade through the many questions you may have about your child.

We know how special your child is and we want to help you help your child.

P.L.A.Y Room
(Playfully Learning About Yourself)

Hospice has a special playroom where children can talk about their loss through art, play, puppets, and in other creative ways.

Hope & Cope Newsletter

A quarterly newsletter designed for kids and parents. Children can seek support from this newsletter by reading the poems and insights.

Services

Grief Support Group

The support group runs for six weeks and is offered on as-needed basis. Services focus on:
...discussing what happens at death
...exploring feelings
...talking about things that help
...remembering the person who died

Courageous K.I.D.S
(Kids Involved in Death Services)

The Children's Care Coordinator is available during the first viewing time to work with children. This helps prepare the family and children for viewing the body.

Children's Library

Hospice has a special selection of books and videos for children, teens, caregivers, and professionals on various topics related to death and dying. Books are a wonderful tool encouraging communication about this sensitive and difficult topic.

Community Education

The Children's Care Coordinator is available to speak to organizations on children's grief.

All services are free of charge and confidential.Please contact Hospice of Pella at (641) 620-5050 for more information.

Here are some suggestions for books from the Hospice Library:

Talking About Death - Earl A. Grollman -- A book for parents that explains how children view death and how to talk to children about death. A children's story is included.

When Dinosaurs Die - A Guide to Understanding Death -- Laurie Krasny Brown & Marc Brown -- A children's book that explains living and dying. It reviews many of children's fears in a cartoon format.

Sad Isn't Bad - Michaelene Mundy -- This children's book talks about the loss of a loved one and about how feelings are OK. It answers several common questions and gives suggestions on how to help yourself feel better.

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